In the beginning of my career as an art therapist working with attachment issues, there was one issue that no amount of professional advice ever seemed to improve...

The more my clients would "explore" or "gain insight" about a problem, the bigger the problem got.

Ever experience this?

In fact, research from the Gottman Institute has shown that when we focus on the content of “the problem” we actually wind up feeling increasingly frustrated, insecure, and alienated in our relationships.

So I did a lot of digging, experimentation, and finally developed a method that would move the needle.

Instead of focusing on problem-solving, we needed to focus on creative solutions.

For example, you need to add in fun, playfulness, creativity, and nonverbal communication as a place to start establishing (or re-establishing) a loving and secure foundation with your partner, before tackling the painful issues.

Once you are on more secure footing, and very clear about why you want to remain with this partner, then you can dive into the harder conversations.

In my work as a licensed and board-certified art therapist, this usually means starting completely "OFF TRACK" from where your irritated energy WANTS to begin.

For example, a "problem-solving" session might look like this...

• Identify what's wrong in the relationship
• Assign blame and accountability to "the perpetrator"
• Learn a whole new language and vocabulary for expressing yourself
• Elicit necessary apologies
• Go home feeling exhausted, ashamed, angry, and tongue-tied

Alternatively, how about a "creative solutions" session?

• Start by holding hands and breathing together.
• Express why you want to be in this relationship and set an intention to value each other's needs with equal priority
• Agree NOT to talk about your problem for at least 15 to 20 minutes, and ONLY to talk about things you love about each other, and appreciate about your relationship
• Choose your favorite colors from the art materials on the table
• As you lean over the big piece of paper you will be drawing on together, decide on 4 rules you both must follow (you each will select 2 rules of your own, and then agree on one mutually decided upon rule, together)
• Following these rules, create a drawing together, listening to "your" song

After this exercise, you can touch upon the original sticking point, but realize that now you are both in a very different place energetically, and have exercised your brain and body in ways that might yield creative and unanticipated solutions.

How are you going to bring in playfulness and creativity so you can better communicate with your partner?

If you don’t know where to begin, check out this quick video demo of a "creative solutions" session with a partner.

Believe me when I tell you this…

•  YOU DON'T have to HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT before you start reducing the conflict in your relationships.
•  YOU DON'T have to BE FULLY "HEALED" of your own emotional baggage before you can give a partner the benefit of the doubt.
• YOU DON'T have to AVOID ALL ARGUMENTS to find harmony in relationships.
• YOU DON'T need to SWALLOW YOUR NEEDS or desires to keep a partner around.

You create opportunities for change in your relationship when you add a little creativity into the mix, and invite connection in new and novel ways.

So watch this demo today, and try it out with your partner, or even with a friend for practice.

You’ll be so glad you did!

Xoxo

PS. Enrollment for my live group coaching program, The Courageous Communicator is closing soon. Hop on over here, if you want to learn more tools like this one!