The Secret Reason "Problem-Solving" Makes Things WORSE In Romantic Communication
Watch this experiential demonstration and activity to spark passion and intimacy today!
In the beginning of my career as an art therapist working with attachment issues, there was one issue that no amount of professional advice ever seemed to improve...
The more my clients would "explore" or "gain insight" about a problem, the bigger the problem got.
Ever experience this?
In fact, research from the Gottman Institute has shown that when we focus on the content of “the problem” we actually wind up feeling increasingly frustrated, insecure, and alienated in our relationships.
So I did a lot of digging, experimentation, and finally developed a method that would move the needle.
Instead of focusing on problem-solving, we needed to focus on creative solutions.
For example, you need to add in fun, playfulness, creativity, and nonverbal communication as a place to start establishing (or re-establishing) a loving and secure foundation with your partner, before tackling the painful issues.
Once you are on more secure footing, and very clear about why you want to remain with this partner, then you can dive into the harder conversations.
In my work as a licensed and board-certified art therapist, this usually means starting completely "OFF TRACK" from where your irritated energy WANTS to begin.
For example, a "problem-solving" session might look like this...
- Identify what's wrong in the relationship
- Assign blame and accountability to "the perpetrator"
- Learn a whole new language and vocabulary for expressing yourself
- Elicit necessary apologies
- Go home feeling exhausted, ashamed, angry, and tongue-tied
Alternatively, how about a "creative solutions" session?
- Start by holding hands and breathing together.
- Express why you want to be in this relationship and set an intention to value each other's needs with equal priority
- Agree NOT to talk about your problem for at least 15 to 20 minutes, and ONLY to talk about things you love about each other, and appreciate about your relationship
- Choose your favorite colors from the art materials on the table
- As you lean over the big piece of paper you will be drawing on together, decide on 4 rules you both must follow (you each will select 2 rules of your own, and then agree on one mutually decided upon rule, together)
- Following these rules, create a drawing together, listening to "your" song
After this exercise, you can touch upon the original sticking point, but realize that now you are both in a very different place energetically, and have exercised your brain and body in ways that might yield creative and unanticipated solutions.
How are you going to bring in playfulness and creativity so you can better communicate with your partner?
If you don’t know where to begin, check out this quick video demo of a "creative solutions" session with a partner.
Believe me when I tell you this…
- YOU DON'T have to HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT before you start reducing the conflict in your relationships.
- YOU DON'T have to BE FULLY "HEALED" of your own emotional baggage before you can give a partner the benefit of the doubt.
- YOU DON'T have to AVOID ALL ARGUMENTS to find harmony in relationships.
- YOU DON'T need to SWALLOW YOUR NEEDS or desires to keep a partner around.
You create opportunities for change in your relationship when you add a little creativity into the mix, and invite connection in new and novel ways.
So watch this demo today, and try it out with your partner, or even with a friend for practice.
You’ll be so glad you did!
PS. Enrollment for my live group coaching program, The Courageous Communicator is closing soon. Hop on over here, if you want to learn more tools like this one!
Interested in experiencing results like these? Enroll Today!
This is a 6-month, live, group coaching program including a trauma-informed, somatic approach to fearlessly expressing your needs and navigating conflicts fairly, so you can deepen the intimacy, whether partnered or single.
If emotional intimacy is your destination, attachment styles is the vehicle that's going to get you there, but not without any gas...that's where my trademarked method, and "HIP" communication formula, come in.
Communication is more than the words that we speak, it is the ENERGY that we FEEL and EXPRESS in relationships. Learning the right words without understanding how to process the emotional energy behind them, is going to keep you stuck in cyclical negative patterns in love. Until now!
You Will Learn How To...
INSPIRE him to spend quality time together at least 2-3 days a week... without ever wondering if "he's really there" or "thinking about someone else..."
LET GO of anxiety... while your partner takes over all the initiating and planning, so you can just relax, show up, and enjoy your sensuality.
ESTABLISH an intimate emotional connection, with TRUST and LOYALTY... so you can feel loved and appreciated, showered with the attention and affection your heart desires.
Even if he's emotionally distant right now or you're worried there’s someone else...it is possible to turn things around, without years of talk therapy, one-off retreats, or “fake it ‘til you make it” gimmicks that don’t work.
Enroll today, and Put Yourself on The Fast Track to Feeling More Secure in Love!
As a licensed and board-certified creative arts therapist (with certifications in Reiki Healing, EFT Tapping, and trauma-informed somatic therapy), I've spent more than 15 years working with thousands of adults struggling with insecure attachment styles.
Experience has taught me it’s not complicated to learn how to attract stable and emotionally available partners when you have a deep understanding of how attachment styles and energy healing works.
Here's The Radical Truth...
You ARE enough.
You are NOT too much.
You are FULLY deserving.
And there is a reality that exists in which you get to BE your most authentic self, and live your FULLEST life, with a partner who cherishes you, just as you are. I know, because I’ve walked through that fire myself, and found grace on the other side.
My online coaching program, The Courageous Communicator, is going to hold your hand every step of the way, so you get to embrace that reality, for good.
And believe me, it’s SO worth it!